


Teeenage Kicks

by iblamethenubbins



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Aliens Made Them Do It, Cabin Fic, F/M, Humor, Romance, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iblamethenubbins/pseuds/iblamethenubbins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team starts acting like teenagers, and it's all the aliens' fault.</p><p>Vaguely inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer's episode "Band Candy".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cake, blanket forts and fairy lights

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This is complete nonsense. Suspension of belief is a basic requirement, from start to finish. It's been written mostly for my own amusement for which I granted a few artistic licenses, especially concerning teenage language and a certain pond in Minnesota.
> 
> Special thanks to the super awesome [Beta Bethany](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bethanyactually) as per usual.

“Man, this planet is weird,” said Jack, sitting crossed-legged under a blanket fort, munching on some brown cake the natives kept offering them. They all looked pretty relaxed, sprawled on blankets and cushions and smiling at them non-stop. 

“No kidding,” said Sam. She was sitting beside him, enjoying her cake and feeling slightly light-headed.

“Are we sure we should be eating this?” said Daniel, holding his brown cake.

“It’s a bit late now, isn’t it, Danny boy?” says Jack. “Besides, aren’t you the one who’s always so very careful about offending the locals, accepting their offerings of food and all that jazz?”

“Yes, but…well, they don’t look like the type to be offended. I mean, look at them.”

Jack and Sam couldn’t agree more. These must have been the most chilled bunch of aliens they ever encountered. They had welcomed them inside their messy houses, where they had shown them inside a massive blanket fort and had offered them what looked like snacks and cakes. There were fairy lights all over the fort, and some glass jars with candles lit inside. It all felt quite cozy and warm. Daniel just shrugged and gave in, biting into his share of cake. 

“Hey, dis ish weawey good!” he managed to say, with his mouth full.

“I know, right?” said Sam.

“Does anyone remember why we came here?” asked Jack.

Sam shrugged. “Something to do with naquadah? Like, it’s always naquadah.”

Jack and Daniel snorted. “True that,” Jack said.

At that moment ,Teal’c, who had been sitting beside them silently, frowned and said, “I do not believe we should remain here any longer, O’Neill.”

“Why not, Big Guy? Don’t you like your cake?”

“The food is sufficiently to my liking, O’Neill. However, I am concerned about the influence it seems to be having on your judgment.”

“What do you mean?” said Jack, filling his mouth with the rest of the cake.

“I have never witnessed you displaying such foolish and juvenile conduct before.”

“Ah, will you just chillax?”

“I am not familiar with the term ‘chillax’,” said Teal’c.

“Clearly,” said Jack

Sam giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.

Teal’c didn’t reply. He just frowned again and looked away.  
In the meantime, a few of their hosts had started playing some instruments very similar to drums and guitars. A cloud of sweet-smelling smoke was filling the air and a suspicious-looking cigarette started making the rounds. Daniel leaned over to grab it when his turn came, but Teal’c blocked his arm and looked at him sternly. 

“Aw Teal’c. Come on. Just a little drag?” said Daniel, pouting.

Teal’c didn’t answer. He just stood up and lifted him up, grabbing Sam with his other hand.

“I think he really means it this time,” said Sam.

Jack sighed heavily and stood up. “Fine! We’re going. OK, guys, it’s been a pleasure to meet you, but Daddy here can’t wait to leave, so…”

Their hosts just nodded and smiled.

“Yeah, thought so.”

Before leaving, Jack stuffed his pockets with some of the cake and sneakily filled Sam’s and Daniel’s as well. Then, they headed for the exit.  
Outside, in the small village, the night was still young. In the fields surrounding the houses they could see groups of people standing around bonfires, singing and dancing. And in the village, there seemed to be a lot of the same going on. Drunk-looking people passed them by, as well as groups of women, sneering at them and then giggling to each other. They started noticing how each group of people belonged to a type. There were the big guys, with muscles and tans; the giggling girls ogling the guys; the scrawny-looking ones with greasy hair and pale skin; and lots of other unidentifiable types, all walking together in groups, some holding hands, some fighting, some drinking heavily from big glass bottles. Every now and then one of these groups would pass them by and either looked at them judgingly or looked away nervously.

“I feel like I’m back in high school,” said Sam.

“I know what you mean,” said Jack.

“I liked our chilled guys. I wish we had stayed there,” said Daniel.

“Yeah. Can we go back, Teal’c?” said Sam, tugging at his arm. “Please, please, pleeeeeease?”

Teal’c didn’t even look at her. He just sighed and kept going. 

“You’re no fun,” said Sam, sulking.

Jack, Sam and Daniel dragged their feet and grumbled all the way to the Stargate.


	2. Grounded

General Hammond was waiting for them at the gate.

“Welcome back, SG-1.”

“Hey, what’s up, G?” said Jack.

Hammond looked startled, but Teal’c didn’t give him time to reply.

“I believe Colonel O’Neill, Daniel Jackson and Major Carter have been compromised, General Hammond.”

“Compromised?”

“Indeed. They have been displaying unusual behaviors ever since we encountered the inhabitants of P3X-753.”

“Oh come on, General, don’t listen to the big guy here. We’re cool. Right, guys?”

Daniel and Sam shrugged.

“Sure, man. Peachy,” said Sam.

“Totally,” said Daniel.

Hammond narrowed his eyes at them suspiciously. “Report to the infirmary, now. All of you.”

“But General...” they protested.

“That’s an order,” he said, sternly.

Jack, Sam and Daniel groaned, but they shuffled away, followed by Teal’c, making sure they really got to the infirmary. Hammond shook his head, with a ‘what am I going to do with these people’ look on his face.

“Geez, man. We don’t need to be chaperoned” said Jack.

“I am not so sure,” said Teal’c.

“Whatever.”

In the infirmary Dr Fraiser poked them, probed them, scanned them, looked into their eyes, took their temperatures and then left them there, telling them to wait for the results. Teal’c stayed there, keeping an eye on them.

“This totally sucks,” said Sam.

“I know. WTF, I just want to go home and sleep for, like, a thousand years,” said Daniel.

“I’m starving,” said Jack.

“That too,” said Daniel.

“That three,” said Sam.

Jack checked to see if Teal’c was looking at him and then tried to direct Sam’s attention to his pocket. Sam frowned, mouthing “what?” And then she saw what Jack was showing her. More alien cake. He pointed at her pocket and then looked away, trying to act casual when Teal’c turned to look at them. Sam smiled and gave him the thumbs up. Then Jack caught Daniel’s attention and did the same. They all looked much happier knowing they had food in their pockets. But it didn’t take long for them to start fidgeting.

“Hey T, how long do you think this is going to take?” asked Jack.

“Not long, O’Neill.”

“Yeah, but how long? Can you quantify it?”

“I cannot.”

Jack huffed and slouched on his bed. Sam rolled her eyes and crossed her legs, resting her head on one hand. Daniel crossed his arms and yawned.  
After what seemed like billions of years to them, Janet came back with paper sheets in her hands. Sam and Daniel looked up from the thumb war they had been playing for the last half hour and listened. Jack awoke suddenly and started stretching as soon as Janet began to talk.

“Teal’c, can you please fetch General Hammond, I think he needs to hear this.”

“I will, Dr. Fraiser,” he said, and left the room.

“Is it bad?” asked Jack.

“I’ll explain everything when General Hammond arrives.”

“It’s bad,” said Sam.

A few minutes later Teal’c returned, followed by General Hammond.

“So, what’s the verdict, Dr Fraiser?”

“Well, sir, they seem to be in perfectly good health, generally speaking. Actually, they’re even in better health than the last time I did a full check-up on them. But there are a few anomalies that might explain the…strange behavior.” She paused and then sighed. “I have detected a change in their hormonal balance. Actually, there is no balance at all. Their figures are completely off the scale. Much like what happens in someone’s body during adolescence.”

General Hammond sighed. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Sir, there is no reason to believe that these effects are permanent . It is possible that SG-1 was affected by something in the air or something they ate on P3X-753 and they will return to their normal selves once their systems expel whatever they ingested or inhaled. I’m assuming Teal’c’s symbiote kept him immune to these effects.”

“Very well, Doctor. I’m ordering them into quarantine for the moment, to rule out any side effects and to keep an eye on them. I hope I won’t have to make any long-term decisions about this matter.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Wait, what? Are you locking us up? Ah, come on,” whined Jack.

“We are not contagious, sir. There is no reason why…” started Sam.

“Enough, people. My decision is final. Teal’c, please, escort them to the guest quarters. You are free to leave after that. I’m putting the team on standdown until further notice.”

Teal’c gave a slight bow.

“Ugh, this is unbelievable.”

“Do not start, Colonel.”

Jack just slouched even further in his bed and sulked.

“Come on guys, I need to attend to the rest of the infirmary, you need to leave now,”said Fraiser.

They grudgingly got up and followed Teal’c to the quarters in the basement. Once inside, they all rushed to grab a seat on the only couch available. Sam beat them and promptly sprawled herself along the full length of the couch.

“Ha ha. Suckers,” she said and crossed her arms, smugly.

Jack and Daniel shook their heads and took one chair each. There was a table and a cabinet and nothing else.

“Now what?” Jack asked.

“Now nothing. We’re grounded,” said Sam.

“This sucks so much,” said Jack.

“You know, this is so unfair. I mean, how many times have we saved the planet? Hell, the galaxy? And this is the reward?” said Daniel.

“And we haven’t even DONE anything! I mean, I have been grounded, like, soooo many times in my life, but most of those times, I deserved it,” said Sam.

“I have never been grounded in my life, this is so embarrassing,” said Daniel.

Jack snorted.

“What, it’s true!”

“I don’t doubt it. How can someone get grounded when all they do is, like, sit in their room and read books about ancient cultures,” said Jack.

“That is not the only thing I do,” said Daniel.

“It is.”

“It’s not”

“Is.”

“Isn’t”.

“It is it is it is a thousand times.”

“Have you forgotten the part about us saving the galaxy?”

“OK, fine. But you’d probably rather be locked up in your room, or a temple, or whatever. So this can’t be too bad for you.”

“I don’t see any books here, do you?”

Jack just scowled at him and rested his chin on his arms.

“I’m bored,” said Sam after a while.

Jack stood up, turned the chair around and sat on it backwards, facing Sam.

“Hey, I’m bored too, do you wanna make out?”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Ha ha…nope.”

“Why not?”

“So. Much. Nope.”

“I know you like me.”

“Do not.”

“Do so.”

“Not.”

“Do.”

“Not.”

“Do.”

“Whatever, I’m not kissing you.”

“But you do like me.”

“Daniel, can you come sit here and play thumb war with me?” said Sam, changing the subject.

“Ha ha. I knew it,” said Jack, with a sly grin on his face.

Sam scooted over and let Daniel sit by her side. They played for a bit and then they got bored.

“Hey, how about our cakes?” Sam suddenly remembered.

“Fuck yeah!” Jack said.

They all munched contentedly but decided to be wise and leave some for later. They wiped their hands clean, licking their fingers, then sat back and looked bored again. At some point, Sam took Daniel’s arm and whispered in his ear. Daniel’s eyes widened and whispered back in hers.

“Hey! What is going on?” asked Jack.

“Nothing,” said Sam.

“Then why are you whispering? It’s rude.”

“I just wanted to consult with Daniel about something.”

“You know I’m still your CO, right?”

Sam sneered. “Sure you are. So what?” and kept on whispering.

Jack stood up and went to seat on the couch’s arm. Sam stopped whispering immediately and stared at him.

“Whatcha talking about?” said Jack, poking her side.

“Stop it.”

“Just tell me,” he said, poking a bit more.

“There’s nothing to tell, and would you shhht-Ahhh NOOO,” screamed Sam, as Jack had started to tickle her.

“Tell me!” he said, while he tickled her with his other hand, as well.

Daniel stood up and said “OK, I’m outta here. This is getting out of hand.”

Jack fell on the couch on top of Sam, trying to hold her still, while she squirmed and kicked and laughed.

“Leave me alone!”

“Not until you surrender.”

“Never.”

“Then you will suffer the consequences of my wrath.”

Sam shrieked and giggled, while Jack’s hands found more ways to tickle her. He was about to take her shoes off, when Daniel shouted. “OK, OK, we’ll tell you. I so don’t want to see this.”

Jack stopped tickling Sam and looked at Daniel expectantly.

“Fine. Well, first, you’ve got cake all over your nose.”

“What? Ack!” he said and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“Next, your fly is open.”

“Oh, for crying out loud.” He immediately got up to pull his zipper up.

“Aaaaand Sam has an idea about getting us out of here,” said Daniel.

“You do?” he asked, snapping his head toward Sam. “How?”

“Well…I could, maybe, if I had the right tools.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve got skills.”

“I know you do,” said Jack suggestively.

Sam rolled her eyes and continued. “If I can find some kind of thin metal spike, I can try and pick the lock. I mean, I’ve done it many times…”

They all thought about it, looking around the room, trying to think about what they could use.

“Hey, what about the couch’s springs. They’re made of metal, right?” said Daniel.

“Yeah, but they’re huge,” noted Sam.

“Maybe not all of them. Let’s have a look,” said Daniel.

They all got off the couch and started looking at ways to rip it apart. They really didn’t have much else to do, anyway. Jack took out some keys off his pocket.

“Let’s try with these.”

With some effort they managed to rip a hole on the bottom of the couch and started to tear it apart.

“You know we’re, like, destroying the SGC’s property, right?” said Daniel.

“Do you wanna get out of here or not?” said Jack.

“I’m just saying.” He shrugged and kept going.

“OK, there are some pretty big springs here, nothing we can take out with our bare hands…but, what about those little guys there?” said Jack. He pointed at some wires that held the wooden bars together.

Sam took a look. “Yep, they could do.” She started to pry them loose but she only hurt her fingers.

“Here, let me,” said Jack. She gladly let him do the work and after a few tries he triumphantly handed her the result of his efforts. “Ta da. Our way to freedom.”

“Let’s hope,” said Sam.

She straightened the wire and then proceeded to work on the lock. It only took her five minutes to work her magic. She stood up and looked smugly at them.

“Who’s the man?” she asked.

“Whoa, way to go, sister,” said Daniel and raised his hand to her for a high five.

“You do have mad skills,” said Jack.

“Told ya.”

“OK, let’s get our pretty asses outta here,” he said.

“Do we have a plan, once we’re out?” asked Sam.

“Uh…wing it?” said Jack.

“The usual, then,” said Sam and followed him out.

They made sure the coast was clear and then headed down the corridor to the elevator…where they were caught by a guard on duty who pointed his gun at them.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said Jack.

“Sorry, Colonel. I have my orders,” said the guard.

“Of course you do,” said Jack and turned back.

“All this work for nothing. And now we don’t even have a couch to sit on,” said Sam once inside the room, slumping herself on the floor beside the couch.

“Sure we do,” said Jack and jumped on the side of the couch that wasn’t ripped open.

The next thing they heard was the Colonel swearing, trying to pull himself out of the huge hole he had just made. He massaged his bottom and kept swearing.

“Epic fail, man,” said Daniel slid down next to Sam, resting his head on her shoulder.

“They don’t make couches like they used to,” Jack said. He sat on his chair again and sighed.

“I do hope they let us sleep on a bed, though. They can’t leave us here for the night,” said Sam.

“You never know,” said Jack. “They might just forget we’re actual human beings with human needs.”

They sat there with nothing to do for a good long while, until Sam said “I have to pee.”

“Me too,” said Jack.

“Me three,” said Daniel.

“OK, let’s call the General,” said Jack, picking up the phone.

“Hey, why didn’t we think of that before?” asked Daniel.

Jack shrugged. “I dunno. Because we didn’t have to pee?”

“Good point.”

Jack dialed Hammond’s office.

“Sir,” said Jack as soon as the General picked up, “I’m sorry to disturb you but we all need to pee.” He could almost hear the General rolling his eyes.

“Jack, just knock on the door, the guard on duty will let you go to the restroom.”

“Oh. Of course. And another thing. Are we allowed to sleep on actual beds or are we going to spend the night here?”

“You will be brought to your sleeping quarters when the time comes.”

“And when is that?”

“Jack, it’s only 1800.”

Jack groaned.

“You can be escorted there now, if you like. I just thought you’d like the company before it’s time for you to sleep.”

“Yes, thank you General, that’s very considerate. We will wait. Oh and by the way, we’re starving. Can you get us pizza?”

“Ask him for some jello too!” Sam yelled.

“Yes, and Carter would like some blue jello…please.”

“Hmph. I’ll see what I can do.”

Jack put down the phone and then went to knock loudly on the door. Once they all attended to their physical needs and ate their pizza and jello, they went back to boredom until it was time to go to bed, according to the guard.

“Hey, what’s up, bro?” said Jack, when the guard opened the door.

“Time for bed,” he said.

“About freaking time. It seems like we’ve been sitting here forever. OK, let’s go.”

“I’m not tired at all,” whispered Sam to Daniel, grabbing his arm.

“I know, me neither. But at least it’s a change of scenery.”

“True.”

They were all escorted to their own en-suite bedroom and then were locked inside. Sam lay on her bed and flicked the TV on, changing channels idly. She left it on some cop drama, as there was nothing else on, and watched it for about ten minutes, when her phone rang.

“Hey, whatcha doin’?” said Jack.

“What do you think I’m doing?” said Sam. Jack was sure a “you ass” was hanging at the end of that sentence.

“Oh, I don’t know. My imagination runs wild, you know.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, I’m just watching this stupid cop show.”

“Same. I already know who did it.”

“Obviously it’s the taxi driver.”

“What? No, it’s the dog. It’s totally the dog.”

“Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that,” Sam chuckled.

“No, but really. I have this theory that it’s an alien dog from outer space and it’s here to turn us all into dogs.”

“Sir, you do travel the galaxy a bit too much. It’s a cop show.”

“Hey, you called me ‘sir’.”

“So?”

“Nothing, just sayin’.”

“…”

“…”

“So… whatcha wearing?”

Sam laughed but played along. “My PJs,” she said. And then added, “They’re not very flattering.”

“I’m sure they are on you.”

“Whatever,” she said. But he could hear the smile in her voice.

“So, you wanna have phone sex?”

Sam groaned. “Will you EVER stop hitting on me? I am not having phone sex with you.”

“Yeah, right. So what is this we’re doing now?”

“Good night, sir,” she said and hung up.

One second later the phone rang again.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Hmph.”

“I just wanted to say good night back.”

“OK.”

“Good night, Carter.”

“Good night, sir.”

“Dream of me.”

“You wish.”

And they hung up. A few minutes later, she finished watching the show (it was the taxi driver) and called Daniel. She was lying on her back, her feet sliding up and down the wall, and eating some more alien cake, leaving crumbs all over the bed.

“Hey, you sleeping?”

“Nah. I was just watching this amazing documentary on...”

“Yeah, whatevs, I just talked to Jack. Well, he called me.”

“And?”

“He’s an idiot.”

“What did he say?”

“It was fine at first, but then he went all, ‘Yey babe, you wanna have phone sex?’ ” she said, mocking his voice. “He ruined everything.”

Daniel laughed.

“It’s not funny.”

“No, it’s pathetic. But it’s kinda obvious, isn’t it? He’s nuts about you.”

“He isn’t. He just wants to have sex.”

“I think he really likes you.”

“You think? Has he told you so?”

“No, but I can tell. He’s also an idiot.”

“Totally.”

“But what about you? Do you like him?”

“Nooooo,” said Sam twirling the telephone cord in her finger.

“Sam.”

“OK, maybe a little.”

“A little lot.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not going to kiss him.”

“Maybe I should talk to him.”

“What?! No way. Nuh-uh.”

“He’s never gonna get the hint otherwise.”

“Yeah, like he’s gonna take advice on how to flirt with girls from you. No offense.”

“None taken. You might have a point.”

“He’s just hopeless,” she sighed.

“Hey, you wanna watch a documentary with me?”

“Only if you let me do the commentary.”

“Deal.”

So they put Discovery Channel on mute and stayed up until late (or early, depending on the point of view), laughing at Sam’s jokes, until they both fell asleep with the phones at their ears.  
Sam woke up suddenly when someone knocked on her door. She grumbled and turned onto her other side.

More knocking. “Go away, I’m sleeping,” she said, pulling her pillow over her head.

“I’ve brought you breakfast, ma’am,” said the guard’s voice.

“Just leave it on the table beside the door,” she managed to say, while leaving her head under the pillow.

The guard did as he was told and then reported to Hammond that the situation didn’t seem to have changed much. “They’re all still sleeping, sir.”

“But it’s past 1100!”

“I know, sir, but they’re not giving any sign of wanting to get up. Should I let them sleep?”

“Yes, at least we know they’re not causing any trouble,” said Hammond, shaking his head. He just hoped the Earth could survive without them until they recovered some sense. He would hate to send a bunch of teenagers to fight off the Goa’uld.  
At around 1300, Sam, Jack and Daniel started to show signs of life again. Soon after, they were up, devouring their ‘breakfast’. When they banged on their doors, the guard let them out, only to bring them to the infirmary again.

“Sorry guys, I need to do another check-up. It won’t take as long as the first time, I promise,” said Dr Fraiser.

They all scowled but didn’t protest too much. They didn’t have much choice, either way. Thankfully, Janet had come prepared and gave them a Gameboy each to play with while they were waiting.

“Careful with them,” she said. “Cassie wants them back.”

“Sweet,” said Jack.

“Awesome,” said Daniel.

“Rad,” said Sam. And then, as an afterthought, she added “Um, Janet... not that I’m not grateful of anything, but how does have three? Surely she doesn’t need three.”

“It’s not up to me, you’ll have to try and convince her, if you want to keep one. I just promised I would give them all back in one piece.”

“Fine. Well, at least we won’t die of boredom again,” she said.

“That’s the spirit. I’ll be back in no time.”

‘No time’ meant another hour, but when she came back, her face didn’t forecast anything good.

“I’m afraid there hasn’t been much improvement. Only a slight change, but not enough to be having any visible effect on you. I’m afraid you’ll have to be confined and under supervision today as well.”

“No, please, Doctor. Don’t do this to us,” said Jack, grabbing her arm. “We are going to actually DIE.”

“I’ll leave you the Gameboys,” she said.

“No, Janet, pleaaaase, you can’t be serious,” said Sam.

“You can’t do this to us again. We’re people of action,” said Jack.

“Is that why you’ve slept until way into the afternoon?”

“Yes! So that we can use all the extra energy to actually DO stuff.”

“Please let us talk to Hammond. Please,” said Daniel.

“Well, I doubt he would agree to anything else. My medical decision overrides any other rank, you know.”

“OK, well, then, I plead my case to you. There is NO reason why we should be locked up. We’re not contagious, we’re not dangerous…” said Jack.

“The couch you destroyed begs to differ.”

“ ‘K, we’re not dangerous to any living thing, and we can take care of ourselves.”

“Again, I’m not so sure about that. But what would you suggest, Colonel?”

“I would suggest you let us go home. Better still, since we’re on standdown, I suggest you let us all go to my lovely cabin in Minnesota, where we can relax and be out of your way.”

Frasier started to shake her head.

“You can let Teal’c come with. He’ll keep an eye on us.”

Frasier thought about this for a while. “Only if Teal’c agrees to babysit you. I’m not sure he’ll be so keen on the idea.”

“What? Teal’c loves us! I’m sure he’ll say yes.”

They all looked so expectantly at her, that she sighed and said “OK, let me get Teal’c down here and let’s see what we can do.”

 

“That is out of the question, O’Neill,” said Teal’c, when the idea was presented to him.

“Oh, T! Buddy! Come on,” said Jack. “You can’t seriously leave us here grounded for another day.”

“I most certainly can. I have no desire to be responsible for your juvenile conduct.”

“We promise to behave. We really, really do. Right, guys?”

“YES!” Sam and Daniel said, hopefully, trying to look like two very well-behaved puppies.

“Look, Teal’c, I will buy you ice cream for a month.”

Teal’c just kept looking at him sternly.

“OK, a year. Oh, and I’ll take you to that Star Wars convention you wanted to go to."

Teal’c raised an eyebrow.

Sensing he was finally getting somewhere, Jack raised the stakes. “And I will dress as Darth Vader and you can dress as Luke Skywalker and we can enter the sparring competition together…”

Teal’c smiled slightly. “O’Neill, we have a deal.”

 Jack punched his fist in the air and yelled, “YES!” and then shook Teal’c’s hand. 

They were going to Minnesota.


	3. Are we there yet?

Once Hammond was informed of the decision and reassured that Teal’c would be the responsible adult and the designated driver in the situation, they were allowed to leave the base.

They stopped briefly at everyone’s houses to pack a few things and then they were on their way. Jack was so happy to be free and heading to his favorite place in the world that he almost didn’t mind letting Teal'c drive his truck. Almost.

“It’s a long drive, T. Feel free to ask me to switch anytime,” Jack offered, just in case.

“I am confident I will not require assistance, O’Neill.”

“OK, but if you change your mind, don’t be shy. It is my truck after all,” he said, the last part under his breath.

“Are we going to sleep in a motel?” asked Sam.

“Indeed.”

“Do we know where?”

“Why is this a matter of concern, Major Carter?”

“I’m just askin’, jeez,” she said and sunk down on her seat.

“I know a nice motel on the way. It’s cheap and it has great food. Also, it has a pool table and a late-night bar and…” 

The look Teal’c gave Jack was enough to shut him up. “Or we can stop wherever you like.”

“Indeed.”

“We should also stop for snacks,” said Daniel. Their stash of alien cake was running out. They only had one slice each left.

As soon as they passed a convenience store, they all shouted and pointed until Teal'c had no choice but to pull over, if for no other reason than to maintain his sanity. He wondered if the effect of the alien planet was worsening, instead of improving, turning the teenagers into little kids. He really hoped that was not the case, because although teenagers were not easy,  he did not wish to be responsible for young children. In the store they all stocked up on chips, candy, chewing gum, popcorn and sodas. Jack tried to sneak in some booze but was stopped promptly at the register by the big guy. Teal’c grabbed him by the collar and made him return the beer back where he got it.

Back on the road, they passed the time munching on their snacks, playing twenty questions, and flicking through the radio while playing “guess the song”, which didn’t last long as none of them were music experts. Sam tried to get them to play a math game, where the first to add up all the numbers on one registration plate won, but she won every time, so the other two vetoed that game pretty soon.

After about three hours they got bored of playing silly games. Sam took out her journal and started scribbling in it, carefully keeping it out of Jack’s view, as he was trying his best to take a peek from the front seat. Daniel also stuck his nose in a book and shut out the rest of the world. Jack tried to catch Sam’s attention for a while, but she only waved her hand at him, shushing him.

“Whatcha writing there?” asked Jack, when it was clear he wouldn’t find out on his own.

“Nothing.”

“You’re writing an awful lot of nothing.”

“OK. I’m making a list of all the ways I can tell you to shut the hell up.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“I know. I’m a laugh riot.”

“But really, I want to know.”

“Daniel, can you please tell this dude here to stop bothering me?”

“Dude, stop bothering her,” said Daniel without taking his eyes from his book.

“Ugh, fine,” said Jack sitting back in his seat. “I wish we had brought those Gameboys with us.”

“If I give you one, will you promise to shut up for at least two hours?”

“You have one??” asked Jack, turning back to her again.

“Of course I do. I left a note to Cassie and took one when Janet wasn’t looking. She’ll understand.”

“You are a genius!”

“Don’t I know it. There you go,” she said, taking it out of her pocket. “But turn the sound off, will ya.”

“Yeah, yeah, give it here.”

They finally seemed to all have found something to occupy their minds with. Silence fell in the car and Teal’c took a sigh of relief. He could now enjoy the trip.

When the time came, they stopped at a side motel, one that offered rooms and nothing else. Teal’c paid for four singles and told them he would not tolerate any disorderly behaviour during the night. They would be woken up at 600 to get an early start, so they were advised to get a good night sleep.

Before heading into his room, Teal’c made sure they were all tucked in their own beds and then proceeded to lock them in. “But what if we have to go to the bathroom during the night?” protested Jack.

“I advise you to go now, O’Neill.”

So they all queued up outside the shared bathrooms and then they went to bed. Any plans for late night parties they might have had were crushed by Teal’c’s decision to act like their prison guard. And they didn’t even have phones here to pass the time. All they could do was sleep and hope that he’d be more lenient once at the cabin.

Before they could even put their heads down, they heard banging on their doors. “It’s time,” was all Teal’c said. He unlocked their rooms, and then proceeded to push them out of bed, deaf to their cries of protest. 

Three zombies appeared out of the rooms.  Daniel scratched his head in confusion. “Isn’t it night still?”

“I think I’m still dreaming,” said Sam, swaying a little, her eyes still closed.

Jack had sneaked back to bed and was trying to hold the covers on his head, while Teal’c was dragging him out of the bed, covers and all.

“Just five more minutes,” said Jack. But Teal’c was adamant to get this done and over with as soon as possible and accepted no delays.

They made it to the cabin by lunch time. The second half of the trip had been much quieter as Sam, Jack and Daniel tended to their sleeping needs in the back of the truck. They took out their sleeping bags and made pillows out of their jackets and then huddled up together. Sam ended up in the middle, as she was too unconscious to stop Jack from cozying up beside her. He congratulated himself silently on the achievement and pulled an arm across her stomach, keeping her close to him. He wasn’t sure if she had done it consciously or not, but when he woke up, he saw that she holding his arm tight in place with her hand.

When they reached the nearest town to the cabin, they stopped at the supermarket to buy food, and once again Jack tried to sneakily buy booze but without success.

“Don’t worry, I do have a stash at the cabin. It’s just that we will have to drink it warm as I doubt he won’t notice it if we put it in the fridge,” he whispered to Sam and Daniel.

“Better than nothing,” Daniel whispered back.


	4. Thrill rides

It was a beautiful, warm, midsummer day. The sun made the lake shine, the birds were singing, a gentle breeze was caressing their faces. It was perfect.

“Wow, this is fab,” said Sam once she stepped out of the truck.

“It’s the bomb,” said Daniel.

“You like?” asked Jack.

“Yeah, why haven’t you brought us here sooner?” she said, elbowing him.

“Are you shitting me? I asked you, like, millions of times.”

“Yeah, but you never said how amazeballs it was.”

“I so did.”

“Whatever. You were all like ‘hey wanna go fishing?’ And I was like, what is he, 80?”

“Hey, fishing is a very demanding sport.”

“My ass.”

“Well, that too.”

Sam hit the back of his head with her hand.

“Ow. OK, fine, I might have meant it as a codeword. You know, like, ‘fishing’,” he said, making quoting gestures with his hands.

“Oh, you mean ‘fishing’!” she said Sam, copying his gesture and widening her eyes. “Geez, I wonder why I didn’t agree to go ‘fishing’ with you, then.” She rolled her eyes and started making her way toward the cabin, carrying two bags of groceries.

“Have you guys finished flirting?” said Daniel to Jack, when she was out of sight.

“You call this flirting? She’s wrecking my head!”

Daniel snorted.

“Dude, you are so clueless.”

“Do you actually understand what she’s playing at?”

“Well, yeah. She’s my bestie. What do you expect?”

“So, do you think I have any chance at all?”

“You might, if you play your cards right.”

“Which means?”

“Which means stop being a dick.”

“Right.”

“Hey, guys, can you stop gossiping down there?” yelled Sam from the cabin door. “I don’t know about you but I am literally starving!”

They hurried inside and started helping Sam and Teal’c putting the groceries away.

“So who’s the designated cook?”

“I am,” said Jack. “I’m going to get the barbeque going. You just sit there, relax, feel free to change into a bikini or something.”

Daniel hit his forehead with his palm. He really needed to explain to Jack the meaning of “being a dick”. Sam chose to ignore what Jack said, except for the part about relaxing. She was quite happy to have no part in the cooking process. Teal’c had finally given up controlling them, having decided that the cabin was a safe enough place for them to be left on their own devices. He settled on one of the chairs on the deck outside with a book and tried to forget about them.

In the end, Jack got the other two to help him chopping vegetables, while he got the barbeque running outside. Soon after they were all happily chomping on fat burgers and drinking fresh lemonade.

“This isn’t so bad, huh, Teal’c?” said Jack.

“Indeed.”

“Aren’t you happy now we’ve been sent off here?”

Teal’c didn’t reply, but he did look quite content. 

“So, who’s up for a walk?” proposed Sam, cheerfully getting up and stretching her arms. “I feel like exploring the woods.”

“I can show you some nice paths, I know these woods like the back of my hand.”

“Great, you guys have fun, Imma stay here and work on this translation I’ve--” Daniel started, but Sam interrupted him.

“You, my dear, are coming with us,” she said grabbing his elbow and pulling him up. “You are not leaving me on my own in the woods with him,” she whispered in his ear.

“That is exactly what I’m doing. You guys have to sort your shit out,” he whispered back

“There is no shit to sort. You are coming.”

“Fine. But at the first sign of bickering, I’m out and I’m not even going to warn you.”

“Deal.”

“Hey, enough with all the ‘psst psst', are we going or not?” said Jack.

They grabbed some snacks, some water and then started for the woods, while Teal’c was dozing off in his chair.

“Guys, I’ve got some bad news. I don’t have any alien cake left,” said Daniel.

“Yeah, it’s all gone,” said Sam.

“Damn, that was so good,” said Jack, “Any chance we can go back to P3X-whatever-it-was and get some more, you think?”

“I doubt it. Teal’c, like, flipped out the last time we got there. And Hammond grounded us for some reason. That place is trouble,” said Sam.

“I know, but cake,” said Jack.

“Yeah, it’s crap. But I got chips,” she said, pulling them out of her pack.

“They’ll do. Pass them along,” said Jack, and they all started chomping on them.

“So, where are you taking us?” asked Sam two bags of chips later.

“You’ll see. Just enjoy the scenery for now.”

The woods were indeed lovely. They smelled of wet ground and mushrooms and resin. The trees were so tall they almost covered the sky above, leaving them in semi-darkness. But the sun was still high and the air was warm and damp. They walked silently for a while, listening to the sound of their feet on the leaves. Then one of them started humming a tune and the other hummed back, and soon enough they were all singing their favorite songs at the top of their lungs. That kept them occupied for most of the walk, until the path took a sharp turn to the right and ended up on the edge of a grassy slope. Beneath them was a shimmery blue lake, almost double the size of the one by the cabin. All along this side of the shore was a beautiful white sandy beach.

Jack turned to look at his teammates’ faces and grinned. They were speechless. Before they could recover, he yelled “Last one to jump in is on KP!” and started running.

Sam and Daniel looked at each other and then ran after him. Sam shouted “This is not fair, I didn’t bring my swimsuit!”

“Too bad for you, you’re gonna have to wash dishes,” replied Jack, almost at the lake already.

‘I’ll be damned’, she thought and sprinted towards him. She almost managed to win the race, diving in only a split second after Jack, tossing her backpack aside and leaving everything else on.

Daniel, who cared less about avoiding kitchen duties and more about saving his book from drowning, took his time to make sure nothing got wet, and then jumped in as well.

“Ahh, this is the life,” said Jack, smiling at Sam, while Daniel was catching up. He dipped his head  underwater and emerged with his mouth full, then proceeded to spray Sam, doing a perfect impression of a human fountain.

“Eww, gross” said Sam, but she laughed. She dipped her head as well, and retaliated. Jack ducked and avoided it. Then put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her underneath, while she screamed underwater. She swam behind him, avoiding his grasp and then wrapped her legs around his neck, pulling herself on top of him and pinning him down. He was tall enough to manage to stand up and emerge out of the water, while holding her up with his arms. She shrieked and tried to kick herself free but he held her still and then pushed her forward, launching her for a dive. She re-emerged, shook her hair and said “Whoa, that was so cool, let’s do it again.” She quickly climbed on him again, this time putting her feet on his shoulders and standing up, holding his hands. “Look, Daniel!” she shouted at him and dived forward, trying to do a somersault. She came up and Daniel clapped.

“Not too shabby. Now my turn.” But Sam had already climbed up again for another jump. “Hey, no fair,” said Daniel.

At that point Jack had had enough. “What am I, your personal human thrill ride?”

“That’s exactly what you are, mister,” said Sam, smirking at him.

“Oh, am I, now? Well, I know many other ways to thrill you,” said Jack.

Sam burst out laughing. “You did not just say that.”

“Do you want me to show you?” said Jack moving towards there.

“I’m outta here” she said, shaking her head and swimming away from him. She was fast and put a good distance between them, but after a bit she slowed down and let him catch up. He grabbed her foot and pulled her close to him, and then they started their water fighting again, this time with more touching and hugging, disguised as attacks.

Daniel was left there looking at them and wishing they had stuck to bickering. He had had enough of being the third wheel at that point and shouted “Guys, I’m going out, I’m freezing here!” and swam back to shore. As much as they were enjoying their fighting, they took pity on him and went back to the shore to keep him company. The nice sandy beach wasn’t as enticing now, what with their clothes being completely wet and the sand sticking everywhere. But Sam wasn’t going to undress here and neither, apparently, were the guys. They just sat there, trying not to move too much, catching their breath.

“That was fun,” said Sam, smiling.

“Yeah,” said Jack, smiling back at her.

Daniel rolled his eyes. They were starting to sicken him. “OK, how about a shower now?”

“You’re on kitchen duty first. Remember?” said Jack.

“Of course. Now can we go?”

 

 


	5. Kissing practice

Sam jumped in the shower first and used up almost all the hot water. When she came out, Jack had fallen asleep on the couch, in his wet underwear. She smiled and pulled a sheet over him, mostly to stop herself from staring at him. He mumbled something in his sleep and then turned on his side, pulling the sheet over his shoulders.

She got dressed, with a simple t-shirt and shorts, helped Daniel drying the dishes and then went to sit outside, where Teal’c was still asleep, or kel’no’reeming, or whatever. The long drive must have exhausted him, she thought. She chose a spot on the pier, spread her beach towel on it and lay down, opening her journal. She was scribbling intently, chewing on her pen every now and then, when Daniel joined her, damp from his super quick lukewarm shower.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Is the Colonel still in dreamland?”

“He is. You must have exhausted him.”

“He’s such a lightweight.”

“So things are going well with him, I gather.”

“I suppose.”

“But?”

“Nothing. I dunno…” she started chewing on her pen again.

“Is that why you’re filling up your journal more than ever? Let me see,” he grabbed the journal from her hands and she let him.

“Oh, it’s in code. Nice.” He stared at it for a while, concentrating hard on the words. Sam looked at him, patiently. She really wasn’t expecting he couldn’t crack the code, so it was only a matter of time. She didn’t want to hide anything from him, anyway.

“I got it!” he said, eventually. “You’re using the third subsequent letter on the alphabet. So, this,” he pointed at the word ‘MDFN’, “means ‘J-A-C-K’”. He looked at the page a little bit more. “There’s an awful lot of MDFN in here.”

“Yeah, so, well done, Sherlock,” she said, snapping the journal from him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No…yes.”

She sat up. Daniel waited.

“I dunno, it’s stupid.”

“What?”

“I’m just… ugh, I guess, nervous?”

“Because it’s Jack?”

“No, because it’s me. I’m scared I won’t know how to...like…you know...”

It took Daniel a moment to realise what she meant. “Oh. You’ve never kissed anyone before?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember, I mean. It feels like I haven’t.”

“Hmm. I see.”

They sat there in silent, pondering the situation. Then after a while, Daniel said, “Well, maybe I can help you.”

“How?”

“Maybe you could… practice with me. I mean, I won’t mind if you suck at it.”

Sam looked at him dubiously.

“For reals?”

“I swear this is not a way to get you to make out with me. I honestly do NOT feel like that about you. I mean, you’re like my sister.”

“Yeah, that’s why it would be weird.”

“A little. But I’m also your friend and I wanna help. It might make you less nervous about…doing it with him.”

Sam chewed on her pen a bit more, thinking about it.

“Well, I guess I do need the practice…. And I’m thinking you need it too.”

Daniel laughed. “Possibly.”

“OK, let’s do it.”

They stared at each other nervously. Sam bit her lip and didn’t make a move. Daniel coughed and took a deep breath.

“OK,” he said, “On three.” Sam nodded.

“One, two…three.”

They  reached for each other’s mouths at the same time and managed to crash both their noses and their teeth. They laughed but somehow stayed glued together and slowly started kissing properly, or as properly as they could. Daniel put a hand behind Sam’s neck and Sam shifted closer to him. Their tongues touched and explored each other tentatively. It is weird, thought Sam, but at least it’s not disgusting, and it _is_ good practice. She tried to imagine kissing Jack, closing her eyes and chanting his name over and over in her mind. And as if she had summoned him, his shadow crept up on them, suddenly.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?” he shouted.

They broke apart and stared at him, frozen. They had no idea how they hadn’t even heard him approaching.

“I, uh…” she mumbled.

Jack didn’t wait for an explanation. He jumped on Daniel and grabbed him by his collar with both hands. He pulled him down with him and pinned him to the ground.  “Is that what you do while I’m asleep? Wait till my back is turned and then stab me?” He punched him hard, making his nose bleed.

“Jack, stop! For God’s sake, it’s not like that!” She tried to pull him away, but he seemed to have grown ten times stronger with rage.

He snapped his head towards her and snarled “It seemed pretty clear to me.” He turned to look at Daniel, who wasn’t even trying to defend himself. “You son of a bitch,” he said and shook him hard, banging his head on the pier.

“Please, Jack, stop it,” Sam yelled, almost in tears.

At the point, a much bigger shadow reached them. Teal’c towered over the three of them and pulled Jack and Daniel apart, lifting them up and grabbing each of them by their shirts.

“What is the meaning of this quarrel?” he asked sternly.

“Nothing, T, we’re good. It--it won’t happen again,” said Daniel.

Teal’c grunted and released them. “I sincerely hope not, Daniel Jackson. I trust you can resolve your differences in a more civilized manner.”

“We will, I promise. Sorry, T,” he said, holding his nose.

Jack didn’t look like he could bring himself to talk calmly yet, but he grunted something and looked away.

Teal’c left them, thinking hard about his promises of yearly supply of ice cream and of Star Wars conventions and reminding himself how it will all be worth it in the end.

Daniel went to kneel by the edge of the pier to rinse the blood off his nose. When he was done he said, “Look, Jack, I’m sorry you had to see… that, but I swear it’s not what you think.”

Jack snorted. “Then what was it?”

Daniel hesitated. He looked at Sam. And then Sam nodded and said, “It’s OK, Daniel, I’ll handle this.”

He nodded back and walked away, leaving them alone on the pier.

Sam sat on the edge, dangling her feet over the pond. She motioned for Jack to sit next to her. He took a deep breath and then he did.

“Jack, I...”

“No, I’ll go first. Sam…you don’t owe me any explanation.” She looked up, surprised.

“Yeah, I just acted without thinking, I guess. I feel like a douchebag, now. If you have chosen him, I…”

Sam put her hand over his and he stopped. She looked at him, but he just stared at the water. “Sir, I don’t want Daniel. I mean, he’s lovely and everything, but it’s not like that between us. We were just…oh God, this is so embarrassing.”

“What?”

“We were practicing.”

“Practicing?”

Sam shrugged. “Yeah, you know. The kissing. I wasn’t sure I could, it’s like I’ve never…and I didn’t want to…ugh,” she stopped and covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry. I feel like a complete moron.”

Jack smiled. “Well, it was a pretty dumb idea, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, well, whatever. You weren’t supposed to see it.”

“It still would have been dumb. You don’t need to practice, I don’t care if you’re good or not, you know?”

Sam raised an eyebrow and smirked. “And what makes you think I was practicing to kiss you?” She kicked the water with her foot and splashed him, then got up and left him there.

*****

Things went back to normal pretty quickly after that. They all pretended nothing ever happened, although Jack and Daniel hardly looked at each other at first and Daniel had a pretty big bruise on his face. Sam suggested they played some board game she saw on the bookshelves and got Teal’c to join them and that’s how they spent most of the afternoon. At some point Jack got the brilliant idea of digging out his old ice cream maker and got everyone involved with the preparation.

“So, how long till we can taste it?” asked Sam.

“Not for another few hours. We can have it for dessert tonight.”

“Awesomesauce,” she said.

Then they got back to their games until dinner, which consisted of simple sandwiches and frozen pizzas, as no one wanted to clean up after anything more complicated. When they finished, the ice cream was just about ready and they all gorged on it.

“You know, Jack, sometimes your ideas are so good I could kiss you,” said Daniel.

Jack narrowed his eyes and shook his spoon at him, and Sam almost choked on her ice cream. Things were definitely back to normal if they could joke about it.

After the ‘kids’ fought for the last bit of ice cream left in the bowl, they decided to watch a movie. As there was no TV in the cabin (“Hey, I come here to chillax and fish, why would I want a TV?” Jack had said defensively), they used Sam’s laptop. There wasn’t much choice for movies. It turned out Sam actually used her laptop for work.

“OK, so it’s either this obscure black and white movie called Notorious…”

“Hey, it’s not obscure, it’s a masterpiece of movie-making,” said Sam.

“Sure, whatever. We have that or…some kids movie, what is this…The Goonies?”

Teal’c smiled.  

“I’ve watched that movie, like, millions of times,” said Daniel.

“Same,” said Sam.

“Indeed,” said Teal’c.

“Hey about Blade Runner? There’s Blade Runner here” said Jack, hopefully. He had run out of choices already.

“GOOOOONIEEEEES,” shouted Sam and Daniel. And so the decision was made.

“You know you must have been both in your 20s when this movie came out?”

“I was barely 18,” she said.

“Still. These guys are like 12 or something.”

“What’s your point?”

“Jack, we’re watching it. Resistance is futile,” said Daniel, and leaned back on the couch.

“Fine, whatever. Let’s all watch a kids’ movie, what do I care.”

There was only one couch and one armchair. Teal’c had already taken possession of the armchair, so the ‘kids’ had to squeeze in together. While Jack was choosing the movie, Sam had taken a seat beside Daniel on the right hand-side of the couch, leaving Jack no choice but to sit beside Daniel. He turned around and frowned. He started the movie and sat down.

He waited only two minutes and then said, “Daniel, would you mind getting a Coke for me from the fridge?”

Daniel looked at him, ready to tell him to get it himself, but he still felt guilty about earlier so he just sighed and got up. Jack quickly pushed himself to Sam’s side and acted as if nothing had happened. He put his feet up on the coffee table and then stretched his arms up, casually letting one hand rest on Sam’s shoulder. Sam looked at his hand on her shoulder for a second, but left it there. ‘Smooth,’ he mentally congratulated himself. Daniel came back with Cokes for everyone and then they settled to watch the movie. About halfway into it, Sam lay her head on Jack’s shoulders and one of her hands slipped down on his knee. When the pirate ship appeared on the horizon at the end, Sam had a little tear on her eye, and Jack was ready to put the movie back on again so that he could spend another hour snuggling Sam like that.

But Teal’c decided it was time for bed. As much as he had enjoyed the movie, he couldn’t wait for this day to be over.

No one protested. They all pretended to be really sleepy and obediently got ready for bed. They knew that the sooner Teal’c went to sleep, the sooner they could sneak out. They had no intention of letting the night go to waste.

 

 


	6. Truth of dare

There were only two bedrooms, so Teal’c took the couch in the living room and left the kids to decide how to do the sleeping arrangements. Since they had no plans to actually sleep, they didn’t worry about it too much. Sam went into the spare bedroom with Daniel and Jack took his own bedroom. They gave it an hour and then Jack came tiptoeing into Sam’s and Daniel’s room.

“Guys, I got booze,” he said triumphantly, showing them the six-pack he had got from the pantry. “Let’s go.”

Sam and Daniel grabbed enough pillows and blankets for three and sneaked out through the back door.

They didn’t go far. They just wanted to enjoy the pond at night, so they sat on the shore as far as possible from the house, so as not to wake Teal’c. They spread one big blanket down and sat on it. Jack handed them a can each and then opened one for himself.

“We forgot snacks,” said Sam.

“Dammit. Should I go back?” said Jack.

“Nah, too risky.”

“True. Well, at least we’ve got this delish warm beer.”

“To fishing,” said Sam, raising the can.

“To fishing,” they both said, smiling, and then clinked the cans together.

“One day we will actually come here to fish, I swear,” said Jack.

“Yeah, when we’re 80,” said Sam.

They sat there, just drinking their beers and watching the water ripple with the summer breeze, content to simply be there.

After a while Sam leaned down and just happened to find Jack’s thigh behind her, so she used it as her pillow. Daniel also made himself comfortable beside her, pulling a blanket on top of them.

They looked at the sky. The moon was huge that night, so they couldn’t see as many stars as they would on a moonless night. But it was still pretty impressive.

“Do you ever think about how we hardly know our own solar system?” Daniel said. “We’ve been to, like, so many alien planets in the galaxy...How many have we visited so far?”

“I—I can’t remember now,” said Sam.

“Anyway, it’s lots, right? And we’ve never even been to, I don’t know, Neptune.”

“Well, you wouldn’t really want to go there. It’s got these, like, insane winds and storms and shit. You wouldn’t even be able to land with a spaceship,” replied Sam.

“What about the moon? We’ve never been to the moon,” he continued.

“Why would you even want to go to the moon?” she said.

“Because.”

“The moon is boring,” she said.

“But it’s beautiful,” Jack said.

“It is,” she agreed. “From here.”

“Yeah, people in the past even thought that there were seas on it. They gave them names like the Sea of Tranquillity, the Sea of Serenity, the Sea of Clouds...” said Jack.

“Wow, these old astronomers were really poetic, weren’t they?” said Sam.

“Definitely. They did a much better job than what we do. P3X-something something. Where’s the magic in that?”

“I like using numbers. They are magic to me,” said Sam.

“Yeah, to you and the rest of the nerds who give those kinds of names,” said Jack.

She got up and slapped his thigh. Then grabbed another can of beer.  “You’d be dead like a million times if it wasn’t for nerds like me,” she said.

“No, I’d be dead a million times if it wasn’t for _you_ ,” he said.

“It got better,” she said.

“Go on, gimme another beer,” he said.

She did and then laid back again, only this time she nudged herself between his legs, sitting with her back on his chest.

“Do you ever think about what’s beyond?” asked Daniel.

“Like, in the afterlife?” asked Jack.

“No, like, at the end of everything. What’s after space.”

“Nothing,” said Sam.

“Yeah. Do you ever think what that’s like? No space, no time. Nothing. It gives me the heebie jeebies.”

“Yeah, it is scary. You can’t really think about it. On the other hand, some theorize that there is no end to the universe, and it just goes on and on and on,” said Sam.

“That’s even scarier,” said Jack.

“Yeah,” Daniel and Sam agreed.

“Except I don’t believe it is infinite. It’s expanding, so it must be expanding into something. Or into nothing,” said Sam.

They all pondered that thought for a while, staring into the sky and drinking their beers.

“OK, this is getting too deep, let’s play a game,” said Jack.

“OK,” said Sam.

“I know you’re going to say Truth or Dare,” said Daniel.

“Are you in?” said Jack.

“Sure,” said Daniel.

“You?” he asked Sam, nudging her thigh with his.

“Sure, yeah. I’ll start. Truth or dare, Daniel?”

“Truth.”

“Boooring. OK, um, let’s see. Have you ever...lied to me?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You sure? Not even a little one?”

“Pretty positive. Why would I lie?”

“OK, fine. Your turn, but try to make it more exciting.”

“Truth or dare, Sam?”

“Dare,” she said.

“OK, um, I dare you to...go inside and get snacks,” said Daniel.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I’m hungry.”

“O-kay. But if I get caught I’m telling,” she said.

“You did ask for exciting. Just don’t get caught.”

She returned five minutes later, with popcorn and chips.

“I knew you wouldn’t fail me,” said Daniel happily.

“OK, next dare better not be one that can end the night too soon,” said Jack.

“It’s my turn. Truth or dare, Jack?” said Sam.

“Dare,” he said.

“I dare you to...make out with Daniel,” said Sam.

“WHAT?” said Jack, sputtering his beer on her hair.

“Oh, gross,” she said, drying her hair with her hands.

“You can’t be serious,” said Jack.

“I’m dead serious. Take it as a kind of making-up makeout,” she grinned.

Both Jack and Daniel sighed.

“I’m not drunk enough,” said Daniel.

“Come on, get on with the kissing. With tongues,” she clarified, taking another sip of beer.

“This is ridiculous,” said Jack.

“I’m waiting,” said Sam.

They winced the whole three seconds that it lasted, but they did it, to Sam’s immense amusement.

“Happy now?” asked Jack, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

“Very,” she said.

“My turn now,” he said. “Truth or dare, Sam?”

“Dare,” she said.

“Of course. Everything to avoid the truth, right?”

“Just get on with it.”

“I dare you to chug your beer,” he said.

She smirked. “I can handle my alcohol, you know. I'm not Daniel.”

“Do it, then.”

She raised her arm dramatically and proceeded to drink the whole can, then slammed it on the ground with a satisfied smile.

“You scare me sometimes, you know that?” Jack said.

“I do know,” she said and took her place between his thighs again.

“So who’s next?” asked Daniel.

“You are. Truth or dare?” asked Sam.

“Truth,” he said.

“Daniel!”

“OK, fine, dare.”

“Good. I dare you to...suffer my tickles on your feet for 10 seconds straight.”

“Oh no, you know I hate to be tickled.”

“Hence the dare.”

“You’re evil.”

“Take your shoes off, Danny boy,” she said, getting up and rubbing her palms. “Ready?”

“Ugh.”

“OK, here we go.”

He suffered in silence for almost four seconds, his fists held tight, his face the picture of perfect horror, when Sam stopped. “Hey, it’s no fun if you don’t struggle. I feel evil.”

“That’s because you are.”

Sam pouted.  “OK, you’re off the hook. I agree that that was kinda evil.”

Daniel let out a sigh of relief. “Is it my turn, now?”

Sam nodded.

“OK, Sam, I dare you to…”

“You should ask Jack. You haven’t asked him, yet.”

“What, you afraid of what I might get you to do?”

“As if. No, it’s just how the game goes..”

“Fine. Jack?”

“Truth.”

“Oh...OK. Wasn’t expecting that. What do you think, Sam?”

Sam pushed herself up and reached for Daniel’s ear.

“Nonono,” protested Jack. “No teaming up against me.”

“I’m just helping,” said Sam.

“Sure you are,” Jack snorted.

Sam finished whispering and then resumed her position.

“OK. So, um, kissing or sex?” said Daniel.

“Huh? Don’t they, like, go together?”

“He means, if you had to choose between just kissing or just sex for the rest of your life, what would it be?” said Sam.

“He means?” said Jack, raising an eyebrow.

“Yep,” she nods.  

“Right.”

“So what’ll it be?” she asked.

“Kissing.”

“Really?” she asked, turning her head to face him.

He nods. “Of course. I love kissing,” he smirked. Then looked at Daniel and frowned, clearing his throat. “You know what I mean.”

Sam chuckled.

“Truth or dare,” said Jack to her, nudging her shoulder.

“Shouldn’t you ask Daniel?” she said.

Jack shrugged and Daniel gave her a look and she just shook her head.

“Oh, you’re all wimps. DAAAAARE!” she said, raising her beer in the air.

“Good, I dare you to....go skinny dipping.”

She lifted herself up and turned to look at him again. “What?”

“It’s a dare.”

“I’ll go if you all go with me.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Jack said and stood up immediately.

“Um, guys, are we really doing this?” asked Daniel, still hoping for a way out.

“Come on, you’re gonna love it,” Jack said.

“Oh, I don’t know. I have a bad feeling about this. What if some big creature bites my ass?”

“There are no fish in my pond,” said Jack.

“I wasn’t talking about fish,” said Daniel.

“No fish and no monsters. Come on, Carter first.”

“OK, but you guys turn around,” she said.

They turned and she quickly got rid of her clothes. Shivering, she jumped in. The water was surprisingly warm. She swam away a bit, still uncomfortable about the whole naked situation. But it was dark and the water was covering most of her body anyway. The guys joined her soon after.

“Ahh, this is great,” said Jack. “Just like it should be.”

“It is quite nice,” said Daniel.

They splashed around in the dark for a while, not daring to touch each other or play like they did in the other lake earlier in the day. Then Daniel said, “OK, I think I’ve had enough.”

Sam started to follow him, but Jack swam quickly to her and grabbed her hand. “Come with me, I wanna show you something.”

“What?”

“Shhh. Just come.”

He swam across the pond and through the cattails, until he came to an opening inside the shore.

“Wow, is it a cave?”

“Yup. Cool, huh?”

“Can you go in?”

“Yes. It doesn’t go too deep. It’s actually a sort of bridge. There’s an opening in the middle; when we were kids we used to jump in from there.

“Cool. Let’s go.”

In the excitement of the moment, she had forgotten that they were both naked. It was dark, but the moon was providing much more light than usual and they could see some of it shining through the opening on the cave.

“This is amazing,” she said, her voice echoing through the tunnel.

They swam until they got to a tiny pebbly beach at the end of it. The water there was shallow enough for them to feel the ground beneath their feet.

“Now what?” she said.

He walked towards her and put his arms around her waist, pulling her close.

“Now this.”

She grinned. “I was wondering how much longer you were gonna take.”

He smiled back at her. Then he looked down between them and said “Cool, your boobs are floating, look!”

“Will you just shut up,” Sam said. She pulled his head to her and kissed him.

His kiss was completely different from the one she had shared with Daniel. This time her heart was fluttering and she was glad it was dark so he wouldn’t see how much she was blushing. She had been bold, pulling him in for the kiss so quickly she didn’t have time to think, but now she was terrified she still wouldn’t be good enough. Once their lips touched, though, she let her senses take over. He was surprisingly gentle, caressing her tongue with his without any hurry, with his eyes closed and his thumbs at her waist drawing soft circles on her skin. Oh, this was so much better than with Daniel. He stepped closer, crushing her breasts on his chest, letting her feel just how much he was enjoying this. She gasped but didn’t pull away. Then his hands started traveling. From her back he slowly went down to her waist, her ass and even further down until...

“Hands where I can see them,” she said, calmly, without betraying the panic she suddenly felt.

“OK. How about here,” he said, cupping her breasts with his hands.

She laughed, shook her head and went back to kissing him, acting as if that happened every day: Jack O’Neill casually grabbing her boobs, while making out with her in a cave, in his pond, at night.

Shortly after, though, he pulled away.

“What?” she asked.

“So, who’s better, me or Daniel?”

“I was gonna ask you the same question.”

“Ha ha, you’re so funny.”

“Come on, we should go, Daniel might get worried,” she said, taking his hand and pulling him away.

“Are you not going to answer my question?” he asked, while swimming.

“It’s not a matter of better or worse. I never wanted to kiss Daniel.”

“But you wanted to kiss me.”

“Obviously.”

“Good,” he said. Then he thought about it again and said “But I’m also better than him, right?”

“Yes, you are.”

“Good. That’s all I need to know.”

He stopped swimming and turned around. “Should we try again, just to be sure?” he said.

She smiled and his mouth reached hers, tentatively this time, as they were both threading waters. She held herself steady, wrapping her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. He used his arms and legs to keep them floating, while she crossed her legs behind his back and nibbled at his lips, his neck, his ear. “Yep, definitely better,” she said, in between nibbles.

“Great. But I don’t know how long I can keep this up,” he said.

She laughed and detached herself. “OK, let’s go,” giving him one last peck on the lips.

They reached the other side of the shore and found that Daniel had already left, so they grabbed their stuff and got dressed quickly and self-consciously. They made it inside the cabin with as little noise as possible and then paused in between the two rooms.

“So…” Sam whispered.

Jack grabbed her hand and gestured with his head towards his room. “Come on.”

“I don’t know.”

“I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…it feels wrong. Doesn’t it feel wrong to you?”

“Kinda. But I also know that I really really really want to keep kissing you.”

She smiled. “Me too.”

He pulled her hand and this time she followed him.

They were still damp from the swim so Jack grabbed some towels to rub their hair with, before taking their pants off and getting under the covers.

They snuggled together, entangling their legs and facing each other.

“You know, I have a feeling this…this thing is going to end soon,” Sam said.

“As in...us?”

“Yeah.”

“I know what you mean. It’s horrible.”

“Yeah, I don’t want it to end.”

“Me neither.”

She reached for his mouth and he met her midway.  He threaded his fingers through her hair and kissed her softly. He caressed her neck, her back, her thighs, making her whimper.

“You know I meant it, right?” he asked.

“Hmm?” was all she could say.

“When I said I’d choose kissing. I meant it.”

“I know,” she said.

“I could kiss you all night,” he said. He pulled her closer and then rested his forehead on hers. “But if I don’t stop now, I don’t think I’ll be able to, um, you know, choose.”

“OK.”

“OK what? Should I stop or…?”

Sam bit her bottom lip.

“See, now, that was a mistake,” said Jack, and kissed her again.

“This feels too good, I’m sure it’s illegal,” said Sam.

“I get the feeling it is,” said Jack.

“We should sleep then.”

“Yeah,” sighed Jack.

She gave him one last kiss, with her mouth closed, a quick one which lingered just a little bit longer than she had intended to, as if to impress the shape of his lips on hers forever, and then said, “Good night, Jack.”

“Good night, Sam. Dream of me.”

She giggled and hugged him tighter. “I hope so.” Then turned around and let him spoon her, until they both fell asleep.

*****

They woke up with a knock on the door. They both opened their eyes at the same time and for a second they froze. During the night, Sam had practically climbed on top of him, one leg high up on his chest, one arm over his face, and her own face buried in his neck. Jack was holding Sam in place with one hand under her shirt on her back, and another lost in her tangled hair. A soon as they fully realized the situation they both jumped up. They stared at each other, terrified.  

“Oh, God,” she said.

“What the fuck,” he said.

“I feel sick,” she said and headed out, straight for the bathroom, ignoring Daniel at the door.

When she came out, wiping her mouth, she found Jack and Daniel standing in the hallway, looking dazed and embarrassed.

“Too much beer, huh?” asked Daniel.

“Yep,” she said, trying not to look at Jack.

“Do you guys feel like… you just woke up from a very long, very weird dream?” asked Jack.

“Well, we did just wake up,” said Daniel.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes. I know. Except it wasn’t a dream. I think we were drugged. Or something.”

“So we can blame the aliens, then?” said Jack.

“I’d say so.”

“Sweet.”

“So, who’s going to talk to Teal’c?” said Sam. “Anyone?”

“Rock-paper-scissors?” asked Jack.

“I’m not sure that’s the best way to prove we’re back to acting like adults, sir.”

“He doesn’t have to know, does he?”

“Good point.”

*****

The end.

 


End file.
